If you are living with an abusive person...
If you are living with an abusive person...
Ensure that you have a support system in place - family, friends and professionals (such as your doctor, solicitor, the Citizens Advice Bureau, Housing or Victim Support) who can assist you. Your abuser may try to keep you away from people who love and care for you. This is a way of making you more dependent on them.
Talk to family, friends and neighbours you can trust. Ask them to call the police if they see or hear an incident occurring. Have a pre-arranged keyword or signal, which you can use on the phone to let them know you are in danger and need help.
If the worst happens and your partner attacks you, make as much noise as possible in order to sound the alarm.
Encourage your children to keep themselves safe
by finding a place to hide in the house or by running to a
neighbour's house. Recent research from Refuge has shown that there is
a significant risk of young children developing emotional and
behavioural problems if they have been exposed to violence or
trauma. In some cases it was found that children under the age
of five have even tried to intervene during violent incidents,
putting themselves at greater risk of being hurt. Teach your
children that it's not safe for them to intervene directly and that
they should remove themselves from danger at the first chance (but
also make sure they know how to call the police).
Write down contact details for friends, family or
colleagues that you trust - or professional organisations that
offer help - and keep the numbers in a safe place. Plan how to
get to a phone from which your call cannot be traced by your
abuser. For example, use a payphone to avoid the number showing on
your bill.
In case you have to leave your home in a hurry you should keep a packed bag in a safe hiding place, but also somewhere that you can quickly retrieve it from - perhaps at a trusted neighbour's house. The bag should include all your essentials such as clothes, toiletries, any medication you may need, some form of identification, your child benefit books and your child's favourite toys. Pack a list of phone numbers, enough money for phone calls and a bus or taxi journey, keys and a chequebook. If you have children, pack copies of their documentation too.
In some cases family pets can be used to blackmail you into
returning to the family home, as threats could be made against
their safety - so it may be worth making arrangements for a safe
place where your pets can be cared for.
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If an argument starts...
- Get out of danger if you can and go straight to a safe place.
- If this isn't possible try to keep as calm and as rational as you can.
- Keep your body language, movement and tone of voice as non-threatening as possible.
- Try to keep at least 2-3 feet (45-90cm) distance between you and your partner. Encroaching on their personal space may increase their anger and put you in greater danger.
- Be aware of your body position. If you are able to, try to avoid standing eye-to-eye or toe-to-toe with your abuser as this may send a challenging message.
- If matters do become more serious try to keep yourself between your partner and any escape route, such as the front door, in case you need to get out quickly.
- Avoid the bathroom, kitchen or garage - or anywhere near potential weapons.
If violence does occur and you're in danger call 999 immediately. Report a domestic abuse incident to the police straight away. Nationally it takes an average of 35 incidents before a victim goes to the police.
If you don't do something about it the first time domestic abuse occurs, it is more than likely to happen again.
You should gather together as much evidence as possible relating to the abuse. This may include a diary, text messages, emails, medical and police reports or photographs. Even if you're not yet ready to take action against your abuser the evidence you gather can often be used in later proceedings.
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