You are not alone. It is not your fault. Help is available.

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If you’re a victim of domestic abuse, you’re not alone. Domestic abuse is happening every day, in every part of the UK. Every minute in the UK the police receive a call from a member of the public requesting assistance with domestic abuse. What’s more two women are murdered every week in England and Wales at the hands of their partners or ex-partners.

It’s definitely not, however, just women that are the victims of domestic abuse. The 2001/02 British Crime Survey found that 19% of domestic violence incidents reported involved male victims - with just under half of these being committed by a female abuser.

Domestic abuse is a crime that cuts across all social, cultural and religious boundaries. It has devastating and far-reaching consequences for victims, their families and the wider community. It can take the form of psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional abuse and can affect anybody - regardless of gender, age, race, sexuality or social background. It is not acceptable in any circumstances.

Some general facts & figures:
Although domestic abuse is often chronically under reported, recent research by the Home Office for England and Wales estimates that it:

• Accounts for 16% of all violent crime.
• Has more repeat victims than any other crime (on average there will have been 35 assaults before a victim calls the police).
• Claims the lives of two women each week and thirty men per year.
• Is the largest cause of morbidity worldwide in women aged 19-44 - greater than war, cancer or motor vehicle accidents.
• Will affect one in four women and one in six men in their lifetime.

Sussex Police are committed to protecting the lives of both adult and child victims of domestic abuse. We aim to investigate all reports of domestic abuse effectively, to bring offenders to justice and hold them accountable for their actions. To this end we’ve adopted a pro-active multi-agency approach in order to prevent and reduce domestic abuse. 

The Force area is split into geographical divisions and each division has its own Specialist Investigation Unit with trained and experienced investigators who are dedicated to tackling domestic violence.

Our first priority is ensuring the safety and well-being of the victim and any children involved.

If you’re experiencing domestic abuse - or are worried about a friend or family member- you can contact your local office for help, advice and support. Our first priority is to ensure the safety and well-being of the victim and any children involved. The victim will be dealt with sympathetically and spoken to separately from the person responsible for the abuse.

Sussex Police are fully committed to holding domestic abuse offenders to account and we will arrest given reasonable grounds. We are no longer reliant upon the victim's statement to do this and will pursue abusers independently. Convicted perpetrators of domestic violence face the full range of sentences, including custody and community sentences. Community sentences include probation-run programmes designed to address perpetrator behaviour and support victims in relationships with perpetrators.

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What is Domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse can be defined as a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological. Any behaviour that frightens, intimidates, terrorises, manipulates, hurts, humiliates, injures or wounds someone is abuse.

Domestic abuse can be inflicted on anyone – regardless of their gender, race, age, sexual orientation, religion or social background. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are simply dating.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or continually criticises you.
• Doesn’t trust you and continually acts in a jealous or possessive manner.
• Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
• Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
• Does not want you to work.
• Controls finances or refuses to share money.
• Punishes you by withholding affection.
• Expects you to ask permission.
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
• Humiliates you in any way.

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You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

• Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc).
• Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Scared you by driving recklessly.
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
• Forced you to leave your home.
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
• Prevented you from calling the police or seeking medical attention.
• Hurt your children.
• Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

• Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
• Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
• Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
• Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
• Has ever held you down during sex.
• Demands sex when you’re sick, tired or after beating you.
• Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex.
• Involves other people in sexual activities with you.
• Ignores your feelings regarding sex.

  

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Your abuser may try to keep you away from people who love and care for you.

If you’re living with an abusive person...

Ensure that you have a support system in place - family, friends and professionals (such as your doctor, solicitor, the Citizens Advice Bureau, Housing or Victim Support) who can assist you. Your abuser may try to keep you away from people who love and care for you. This is a way of making you more dependent on them.

Talk to family, friends and neighbours who you can trust. Ask them to call the police if they see or hear an incident occurring. Have a pre-arranged keyword or signal, which you can use on the phone to let them know you are in danger and need help.

If the worst happens and your partner attacks you, make as much noise as possible in order to sound the alarm.

Encourage your children to keep themselves safe by finding a place to hide in the house or by running to a neighbour's house. Recent research from Refuge has shown that there is a significant risk of young children developing emotional and behavioural problems if they have been exposed to violence or trauma. In some cases it was found that children under the age of five have even tried to intervene during violent incidents, putting themselves at greater risk of being hurt. Teach your children that it’s not safe for them to intervene directly and that they should remove themselves from danger at the first chance (but also make sure they know how to call the police).
 
Write down contact details for friends, family or colleagues that you trust - or professional organisations that offer help - and keep the numbers in a safe place. Plan how to get to a phone from which your call cannot be traced by your abuser. For example, use a payphone to avoid the number showing on your bill.

In case you have to leave your home in a hurry you should keep a packed bag in a safe hiding place, but also somewhere that you can quickly retrieve it from - perhaps at a trusted neighbour’s house. The bag should include all your essentials such as clothes, toiletries, any medication you may need, some form of identification, your child benefit books and your child's favourite toys. Pack a list of phone numbers, enough money for phone calls and a bus or taxi journey, keys and a chequebook. If you have children pack copies of their documentation too.

In some cases family pets can be used to blackmail you into returning to the family home, as threats could be made against their safety - so it may be worth making arrangements for a safe place where your pets can be cared for.

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If an argument starts...

Get out of danger if you can and go straight to a safe place. If this isn’t possible try to keep as calm and as rational as you can. Keep your body language, movement and tone of voice as non-threatening as possible. Try to keep at least 2-3 feet (45-90cm) distance between you and your partner.  Encroaching on their personal space may increase their anger and put you in greater danger. 

Be aware of your body position. If you are able to, try to avoid standing eye-to-eye or toe-to-toe with your abuser as this may send a challenging message.

If matters do become more serious try to keep yourself between your partner and any escape route, such as the front door, in case you need to get out quickly. Avoid the bathroom, kitchen or garage - or anywhere near potential weapons.

If you think you're in danger call 999 immediately.

If violence does occur and you’re in danger call 999 immediately. Report a domestic abuse incident to the police straight away. Nationally it takes an average of 35 incidents before a victim goes to the police. 

If you don't do something about it the first time domestic abuse occurs, it is more than likely to happen again.

You should gather together as much evidence as possible relating to the abuse. This may include a diary, text messages, emails, medical and police reports or photographs.  Even if you’re not yet ready to take action against your abuser the evidence you gather can often be used in later proceedings.

If you’ve made the decision to leave...

Arrange for a place to go. It’s best if this is a place unknown to your abuser. Remember that friends may sometimes be reluctant to assist you in this way because of concerns for their own safety. 

If you need somewhere to stay at short notice there support organisations or charities who are able to help.Many of these are listed in contacts box on the rigt-hand side of this page. It’s often possible to stay at a refuge for a few days, or even months, to allow you time to consider your future. You should also pre-plan childcare resources if necessary.

The economic implications of leaving your partner should also be considered before you leave. You will need to have access to enough money to support yourself and any children. Consider in advance opening a separate bank account, getting your own credit cards and opening a PO Box address for post. Remember, the Benefits Agency may be able to help you.

After you have left…

If you have left home, taking safety precautions is vital.

Safety precautions are key at this stage. Personal protection devices such as locks, alarms and mobile phones can be helpful. Be vigilant about your personal safety and, if possible, always travel with a friend or colleague. Tell your neighbours and local police so that they can alert you if the abuser is seen near to your home.

Many forms of harassment, intimidation and abuse can often continue after you have left. A number of options exist to prevent this from happening, such as your local Citizen's Advice Bureau and family solicitors who will be able to advise you on the best way to combat any problems you may be experiencing.

Having an emergency plan to vacate your home is a good precaution against any threat that your partner may pose to you in your property.

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Domestic Abuse – How Sussex Police can help

If you find yourself in a situation where you are in immediate danger phone 999. The information below will help explain the response you can expect from Sussex Police.

Making you safe…

The first priority for Sussex Police in cases of domestic abuse is to protect you and any children who may be involved. Police officers will come to your home, or wherever the incident has taken place, and will take whatever action is needed to make you safe.
If necessary, officers have the power to force entry to your home to protect you.

Officers will separate the parties involved so that you will have an opportunity to speak to them in confidence about what has happened and any previous incidents, without the offender being around to intimidate or threaten you.

For people who do not speak English, or for whom English is not their first language, officers can involve an independent interpreter. Where possible they will be the same sex as the victim and officers will ensure that the interpreter is not connected to the family of the victim or offender.

Taking appropriate action…

Sussex Police officers are required to take all circumstances into consideration and will arrest offenders where appropriate to ensure the safety of you and any children involved. This will give you the time to speak to and get advice from Specialist Domestic Abuse Investigators.
Arrested offenders will be taken to a police station where the following measures will always be considered:

• Interviewing the offender.
• Charging the offender with a criminal offence. Although there is no specific offence of domestic abuse it can include a range of criminal offences such as common assault, breach of the peace, grievous bodily harm, rape, sexual assault or harassment.
• Remanding offenders in custody until they appear in court.
• Applying for bail conditions in order to restrict the activity of the offender. For example, offenders could be bailed on the condition that they do not return to the family home before they appear in court. If offenders break these conditions they can be re-arrested.

Gathering evidence…
 
Officers will collect evidence from all available sources. A statement from you explaining exactly what has happened is ideal. However, if you don’t feel able to make a statement officers who attend the scene can give evidence in court detailing the injuries or damage they
have witnessed.

Police officers can take digital photographs of injuries, damage or disturbance caused to your home to support the case. Scene of Crime Officers can also be called in order to recover evidence - such as fingerprints and photographs - or to use other forensic techniques.

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Further action…

Remember – domestic abusers rely on the fact that victims find it difficult to cope, press charges or hold them accountable for their actions. It’s important for you to realise that, if you don’t take action against an abuser, it’s highly likely to happen again. 

Abusers also use the fact that prosecution can be a difficult and emotional process. If you have made a complaint to the police and are experiencing difficulties in this area, or are having doubts about continuing, please contact your local Specialist Domestic Abuse Investigator. They will be able to talk you through the whole process and answer any questions or concerns you have.

Sussex Police officers will support you in whatever way they can.

Sussex Police recognises that it can be a very difficult decision to make and police officers will support you in whatever way they can. The police can let the court know about previous incidents of domestic abuse, so that they can take these into consideration when making decisions about bail and sentencing. Sussex Police work with many other agencies - such as housing, victim support, local refuges, etc - and there are numerous options available to support you.

If you’re required to attend court and have any fears about either attending court or facing the offender then Sussex Police can request special measures - such as pre-court visits (so you feel more comfortable on the day) or use of a screen or video links in court so that you don’t have to see the accused.

The courts and Probation Service have many ways of dealing with offenders. They will evaluate how a prison sentence or offender management/rehabilitation programme will affect you and your family and decide on a course of action that’s in your best interests.

In the majority of cases, where a victim gives evidence in court, the offender is convicted - giving the victims the chance to start to re-build their lives with the help and support of a wide range of services available.

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Perpetrators of Domestic Abuse

Abusers…

If you’re an abuser you should be aware that Sussex Police are determined to take action against you.

If you commit a criminal offence, even if a victim of domestic abuse does not request your arrest, a police officer can arrest you. Following your arrest you’ll be taken to a police station, where you’ll be interviewed and charged if appropriate. 

Bail conditions may be set to restrict your activity. For example, you may be bailed on condition that you don’t return to the home of your victim. You may be remanded in custody until your court appearance.

Officers will gather evidence at the scene of the crime, take statements from witnesses, photograph injuries, obtain forensic evidence and use CCTV footage. Officers can also use their own notes as evidence in court. The past medical records of a victim and a history of previous incidents can also be used in court.

Sussex Police will do everything in their power to build the best possible case against you to present at court.

If you’re an abuser, or have abused in the past and recognise that you need help in order to change your behaviour, services are available. You can call your local Specialist Domestic Violence Investigator for advice or call the Respect perpetrator's helpline on 0845 122 8609.

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You can disguise your visit to these web pages

You can prevent abusers from knowing you have accessed this information.

How to prevent abusers from knowing you have accessed this information.

You may be worried that someone could find out that you’ve visited these web pages. If this is the case you can prevent this from happening by taking the following precautions…

It’s important to remember that the safest way to search for information on the Internet is to do it away from home. This could be at a local library, a trusted friend's house or your place of work.
 
History/Cache file

It’s possible for someone to find out which websites you have visited simply by looking at your computer's history or cache files, (web pages and graphics which your computer saves automatically). However, you can prevent this from happening by clearing your history and emptying your cache file.  The following information explains how to do this for a number of different web browsers:

Internet Explorer:

• Click on the Tools menu (in the row at the top of the browser).
• Select ‘Internet Options’ from the drop down menu. You should now be on a tab that says 'General' - if not, select 'General'.
• Under the title, 'Temporary Internet Files' click on 'Delete Files'. You can also check the box that says delete all offline content. Then, under 'History' click on 'Clear History.'
• Click ‘OK’ at the bottom.

Netscape:

• Click on the 'Edit' menu.
• Select 'Preferences' from the drop down menu.
• Click on 'Navigator' (this may be a tab at the top or an option in a list on the left).
• Click on the 'Clear History' button.
• Click on 'Advanced' (this may be a tab or an option in a list on the left). If it's in a list click on the + sign).
• Select 'Cache'.
• Click on 'Clear Disk Cache'.

Older versions of Netscape:

• Select the 'Options' menu.
• Select 'Network Options'.
• Select 'Cache'.
• Click on 'Clear Disk Cache'.

AOL:

• Go to 'Start'.
• Select 'Programs'.
• Select 'AOL'.
• Select 'AOL System Information'.
• Click the 'Utilities' tab at the top of the window.
• Click the 'Clear Browser Cache' button. The 'Current Cache Size' will change to 0 KB.
• Close the AOL System Information window by clicking the 'X' in the top right-hand corner of the window.
• Connect to AOL to see if this has solved the problem. If not, try the following alternative method.
• If 'AOL System Information' is not listed in the 'Programs' menu sign on to AOL as normal.
• Go to AOL Keyword: 'Preferences'.

• Click 'Internet Properties (WWW)'. This will open the 'Internet Options' window.
• Click 'Delete Files' and then click ‘OK’ to delete your temporary Internet files.
• Click ‘OK’ to close the 'Internet Options' window.

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Prevent your abuser from accessing your emails

Your abuser may have access to your email account and, if so, they’ll be able to view your incoming and outgoing mail. To make sure your account is secure and prevent your abuser viewing your emails, set up an email account with a password that your abuser will not be able to guess.

If your abuser knows your email address and sends you threatening or harassing email messages, do not delete them - they can be printed and saved as evidence of abuse.

Domestic abuse can be a particularly taboo subject for male victims.

Male victims of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can be a particularly taboo subject for male victims. You may feel as if you're the only man who has ever experienced domestic violence, but you're definitely not alone. Although research shows that it is mainly women who suffer from domestic abuse, this doesn't mean that men don't suffer too.

Figures on the extent of male victims vary considerably so it's difficult to state with any accuracy the true extent of how many men suffer from domestic abuse. However, the 2001/02 British Crime Survey found that 19% of domestic violence incidents reported involved male victims - with just under half of these being committed by a female abuser.

It may be hard to admit to yourself and to others that this is happening to you, but it's not your fault and you can get help.

Are there differences in how men and women experience domestic violence?

There are both similarities and differences. Some of the responses to violence from a partner are the same. Whoever you are, being hurt by someone you love and trust can be devastating. You may feel bewildered and confused. You may wonder if it's your fault. You may feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone. If you do tell, you may find that no one believes you or that your abuse is trivialised. You should never let such ignorance stop you from seeking help.

If you don't find the right help immediately, it's important that you keep looking until you find someone who can support you at this difficult time. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help.

There are also important differences that can often be lost when we assume that what we know about women experiencing domestic violence automatically applies to male victims too. For example, many abused men wrongly feel that they aren't 'real men' if they admit to having experienced abuse. Remember - Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes.

All statutory services (such as the Police, Crown Prosecution Service, Housing Department and Social Services) have a duty to provide services to all - male or female. Men are protected by exactly the same laws as women. Anyone who has assaulted another person, regardless of the gender of either, can be prosecuted.

As with women, if you are a man experiencing domestic abuse and you need emergency help call the police on 999.

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